Small City Thinker

Changing Dimensions of Friendship

– अशान्त ·

– Ashant ·

· in

Today, out of boredom when I switched on my television and started surfing the channels, I ultimately stopped watching the last 30 minutes of a famous musical drama “DOSTI.” When translated to English, the term means “FRIENDSHIP.” With the final scene, I was sufficiently evoked to express myself on this erstwhile most beautiful relationship, which has now gone awry, barring few exceptions. Half knowledge is dangerous. It indeed is, especially when it is outsourced from a totally different culture through indirect medium of television or feature fims. It is very hard, in fact, nearly impossible to find people like Mohan and Ramu in the present times. We are being guided by comfort and pleasure seeking to such disgusting levels that human emotions have taken backseat permanently.

Some people in the pretext of honesty love to hurt people. They impose their self-proclaimed righteousness to justify their eccentric behaviour. Its perhaps the new world which has ultimately succeeded in making human being and relationships a commodity. Everything revolves around comfort and “pulp” pleasures. Till the time one receives it,the other person seems valuable.When adversity creeps in,then the same person becomes unwanted entity and is discarded ruthlessly by so-called “honest” people. It is only their reasons that are logical,those of other person are always unacceptable.Why? Because,in the latter case their is no satisfaction of ego and manifestation.Its time to be beware of term “friendship” too.No In the veil of friendship,your serious efforts might be termed as intrusion into independent space of your “friend.” Friendship has been stooped down to mean submission to debauchery.It no longer means a relation where sacrifices are made for each other,it no longer means reveling in other’s success even if you have failed.Its hardcore professionalism that rules the roost,where everything is measured on hedonistic scale.Feelings,emotions belong to only those who are backed by power and loud voice.Silence and tacit care has no value.It is now the age of “Public Display of Affection.”If you do not proclaim in front of whole world kneeling down that you love someone then, your care and love is nothing but trash that will be used till the time there is some charm in it.After that it will be discarded like and unwanted commodity.Even if you commit or do not commit a mistake,blame will lie only upon you for the personal failure of other.If you considering the other person as your true friend reveal the stark truth to him/her,then you are in danger of being branded as one who does not understand the other person.Incompatibility is the oft used excuse in such cases,which the other person realises,only when considerable time period has passed.

Its better to be alone and those who proclaim to be value-ridden,while in reality they are only comfort and ego-ridden will be  treated aptly by the Almighty on the day of reckoning. It is the pain that betrayal in friendship generates that is unbearable.But one should always remember that being loud does not signify that you are reasonable. It just reflects the hollowness and weakness of person who has wronged the other person using the most pious relation of friendship. Its better to be alone and not believe anyone,especially those who show extraordinary concern.Perhaps,there is some planning behind it too!

It is in this context that the “exceptions” I talked about need to be little careful. Sensitivity, nowdays, is the most patent sign of vulnerability too. Your genuine concern for the other person have all chance of being termed as sympathy or a male chauvinistic expression,in case you are a male. Why has everything been reduced to theatrivs where one has to follow a certain mode to be believed? Why does a person need to give a certificate to justify one’s actions at every stage? Why is it that your voice is always suppressed? Why is it that when you take a decision that is not accepted? Where as the same decision taken by other person is reflective of the independent expression of other?

There are endless questions taht revolve around this topic. Authentic answers to them exist but they have lost their utility in the present domain of living being. In such a case, the best available option, therefore is to be always ready for a betrayal by your most dear one. One should develop inherent capacity of moving on. Especially, in present times when people indulge in merry making and ostentatious display of pleasure(remember LOVE AAJ KAL break-up party!) when they severe from a long bred relationship, in which, at least one person has invested emptionally. But rememebr, that you might be shedding tears for what  for you were beautiful moments of life,while for the other they were part of a big picture-a mere passing phase. There might  be bombardment of sorry in tone that will turn the essence of word into sheer travesty. You might have suffered irreparable losses,but that is not a concerning factor for other person because s/he is just pursuing honesty. Just because, ultimately its success and incentives associated with money and power that have real tangible value, rest all is foolishness. There is always a lurking danger that you might be the next subject to be tried in the experiment of friendship/relationship, where the powerful experimenter by virtue of his honest assertion might reduce to you to nothingness,taking a giant leap to other friend quickly,once you have lost utility of your own.

In such situation the sole saviour seems to be SrimadBhagwat Gita where Lord Krishna advices that nothing in this world, no relation stands except KARMA of the person. It is therefore better to submit one to his KARMA to attain satisfaction ratherthan any sort of illusory relationships viz. friendship,love in this fast pacing consumerist world. The one that dons the mantle of success and power has it all in present times. S/he has all the autjority to change the rules whimsically and capriciously. While you might be whimpering in th etime of distress seeking some softness from the friend, its not a surprise that you have all probability of being hit by the bolt from the blue. So, its up to us that how we shape our lives – working selfishly for our betterment at any cost or wasting our time by thinking about a collabrative approach with your friend. In the present times, I feel that former is always the best alternative as it ensures success and hence along with it flurry of friends. While in latter case, you will always be left behind in distressing times,by sheer act of betrayal,when you require your friend the most.

– अशान्त

– Ashant

अशान्त की चिट्ठी

Letters from Small City Thinker. New writing, straight to your inbox.

Comments

4 responses to “Changing Dimensions of Friendship”

  1. Anonymous avatar
    Anonymous

    \”Friendship\” is a very difficult term to define and confine in either worldly pleasures or spiritual being, which perhaps i think need s mention. Eccentric behaviors are not understood my people whose thinking is confined to knowledge of worldly pleasure only. Self-righteousness and honesty are another big word which are used frivolously, a normal person can say what he feels and not what in a calculated manner. People do not think so much in a \”friendship\” that much that is the ease with which the things flow and when one has to constantly explain every action and cause and demands and everything it just becomes tedious job which one has to quit. People do not understand it because everyone has to be blamed and involved a public humiliation of other person because he deserves this. Because s/he is wrong in every aspect s/he has lived through hell with one friendship and s/he should bow down s/he cannot say anything s/he has to endure this silently otherwise s/he will be uncouth s/he will be paraded all along in public forums to give explanations. Every third person will be dragged in between, because s/he lives in a society where s/he is born to bear the brunt otherwise other person will drown him to lowest level forever. Thanks fo rtelling this through this medium

    Like

    Reply
  2. Anonymous avatar
    Anonymous

    Friendship cannot be understood by those people who use it as a plank. Those who never understand goodness of others and self esteem for them is nothing but unabashed display of their undue assertions can never understand it purely. Public humiliation is result of deeds of one. One who never accepts his/her fault and feelings are toy for them can never understand friendship.

    Like

    Reply
  3. Anonymous avatar
    Anonymous

    I agree with the writer of the post that some people have tendency to make things complex. Again there is difference between quitting decently and quitting by ruining the other person. Some people can only see their suffering. The negativity they induce,the threat that they become so much so that the whole natural course of life is changed permanently is nothing new for them. What is termed as hell by the writer of first comment is suffered by the other person too who existed as mere option to many other comforts. And in friendship, true friend will always censure the other one when it seems that someone is losing track. When it seems that person has no value for other one. No one wants to become a fool in public eye. Hence,the logic that public is dragged is false. It is immense pain due to betrayal caused which comes out naturally. It is the pain of losing time which could have been more fruitful and beautiful that comes out. It is the insult that person bears throughout with no blatant fault as such, which comes out. It is the failure in life which makes one feel bitter to extent that one starts hating himself.It is the pain of being badgered by other person,whom you consider most important that makes you lose your mind.Why is it that decision of one i s always sacrosanct and reasonable whereas other person who is thinking emotionally referred as fool?Why is it that other person takes so much time to realise everything when the other person suffers like \”hell\”? And I disagree with writer of first comment about explanation becoming tedious. In a friendship when you do not have to explain means that what you want is unbridled means of enjoyment and not a pious relation,where mutual concern and upliftment is necessary. If one fails to adjust then complete failure cannot be attributed to a single person. But no one understands it,especially those who are blinded by their ego and loudness, who in name of truthfulness make you feel that as if you were nothing more than a \”means\” to their end. Once they achieve the end, you will be disgraced and humiliated, while other person in name of freedom and enjoyment shall revel. The same person who used so many tools to come close will deny that they ever existed. The negativity they induce and ruthless manner in which they impose themselves alters a person. But they never understand it, because for them its cool to act so. Influenced they might be, but reality dawns on everyone. I hope that people who wrote the above two comments and the post will realise it someday. Relationship is always tedious,if it is too smooth then perhaps there is something wrong.Just remember that what you might be terming other persons confinement to worldly pleasure might be unquestionable belief that one had on other.Then again same would not be understood by the writer of first comment seems to see picture from one side only..(contd.)

    Like

    Reply
  4. Anonymous avatar
    Anonymous

    …(contd.)As far as society is concerned and bringing down to low level is concerned, in friendship whatever happens,it is between two or more individuals only,where if the persons in questions do not feel anything,no one else is concerned. Society and those who act as agent to break such friendships only takes pleasure in such things.Its sheer selfishness that prompts such response that one is paraded and all,else other person would never make a friend feel so low by terming suddenly that whatever you said or did was a burden. If it was then that friend who having his/her own identity has also suffered and will suffer for whole life,in some or other way. But the hatred that is infused in that other person will blind him to such extent that picture of other side will never be visible. Because a friend was nothing but a facilitator,when s/he ceased to be so in light of other alternatives,one chose for comfort. The every fact that something continues for long period means that there was sense of understanding. It breaks when one person starts questioning other and brings personal inferiority and insecurity factors in play. It when being a friend a friend tries to help other person that s/he thinks that charity is being Such is the vanity and self-conceit. That is again weakness which is easily interchanged with righteousness. Honesty is not big word,it is value,but perhaps less found and used in these times. What matters is blatant display of emotions and material expressions, else you will surely be branded as a burden or backward.It is essential today to be cunning and not care about others. As soon as you feel uncomfort,one should not make adjust and compromise with personal happiness,one should destroy everything and move on. Alas! everyone is not so strong. Not because of lack of strength. But because a friend had unquestionable belief and lots of concern and love for other person,which s/he never realised,just because at that time it was not coupled with comfort and public display of happiness. I am sorry for intrusion, but it seems writer of first comment has used excuse of society and all to justify itself. May God help all! Friendship has lost value in consumerism and that is the truth. Everyone should accept it. And those who could not stand to the demand of devotion should not blame it squarely on the friend who tried.

    Like

    Reply

Leave a Reply