A Difficult Start

So many times, it happens that we take a pen to the paper and cap it without scribbling a word. Our endeavor is marked by the diffidence to make a start. We find excuses for procrastination. Taking refuge in perfection, we indulge in analysis paralysis. The proverbial first step is never taken by the majority of us. Hence, the possibility of undertaking a journey is ruled out completely. In the absence of tangible action, nothing moves except the intangible train of thoughts.

Hence, it is important to make a start. It would be pertinent to give an example here. Earlier I used to write poems regularly. Devoid of resources, I resorted to self-teaching for most of the things I love to do. One fine day, a gentleman told me that I must write prose as I lacked the poetic quotient necessary for being a poet. I allowed him to sow the seeds of doubt in me that ultimately thwarted my whole writing process. The start that I made as a kid was abruptly stopped by a mere comment of an ordinary person. He did not help me eradicate my shortcomings. Instead, he completely distorted my thinking process. As a result, the idea of a perfect writing got instilled in my mind. Anything I wrote thereafter was put to such unnecessary dissection by me that the beauty of imperfection was completely robbed off. Not only did I lose the momentum of my thought process but I was also required to make a fresh start.

Reading, writing and speaking form an essential part of my thought process. Yet, I have barely devoted myself to the process of creation. Stung by the poison of self-doubt, I allowed many ideas within me to die a slow death. Absence of self-belief is a silent killer. Very few can claim to be not its victim. In absence of any specialised training, my whole persona got subdued. Yet, I am making another effort to resuscitate my dying capabilities. Smart hard work is the need of the hour.

English is not my mother language. I have acquired its understanding through school education. However, the Indian populace taught in the English medium schools generally suffer from a unique disability. They do not have command over either over English or their native language. Jordan Peterson exhorts that writing is essential for a thinking person. Recently, while listening to a podcast I came to a conclusion that it is necessary to maintain a healthy consumption and creation ratio. Of late, I have been consuming mindlessly without creating anything. Effectively, it has resulted into an unorganised mess of information.

This write-up marks a difficult start of my new journey with the words and myself. Without the fear of rejection or comfort of validation, I shall henceforth write with sincerity. I know that it will take some time to hone the skill and develop a unique style of writing. I am ready to make this investment as the process involved gives me necessary boost. Three cheers for my journey de novo!

– Ashant